The road that leads to happiness leads back to you. If ever in this life, you want to experience clear communication you must communicate with yourself first. There has been a cultural lie that happiness is in relationship with another. Wrong! There cannot be happiness with anyone else until you cultivate an honest, loving and authentic relationship with self.
We all have been taught the deceptive art of approval seeking. We sought the approval of our caregivers for survivors in childhood. Then, we grow up and twist ourselves into pretzels to get what we think we need from someone else! We lie, manipulate and pretend to be things we are not to get the approval we desperately seek.
What nonsense! What a set up for disappointment and fear! People pretending to be things they are not, lying about who they are in fear of losing love. Facades wear off and the truths are eventually revealed, meanwhile disappointment sets in when you realize the one you think you love is not who they presented to be.
The antithesis is self acceptance. Never-mind settling in a fear based relationship with yourself and others. Start having an honest relationship with you. What in a relationship makes sense to you? Ask for what you want. Do what makes you happy. Stop waiting for someone else to give you what you must give yourself. Be there for you and I promise your life will work.
I want a monogamous partner. I value monogamy; thus, I now clearly communicate this is what I am willing to do and what I expect in a partner. It’s not fair to expect people to be things they are not. However, my lie dectector in others is much better now and I am getting better at picking up on others’ dishonesty. There are things I no longer overlook and I have the confidence to call people out when I feel they are lying.
Establishing your truths, values, expectations and boundaries are all part of the road that leads back to you. Develop that relationship with yourself, make your needs and wants a priority to you. No one can decide for you what you are willing to tolerate and your level of happiness that’s on you. Thankfully you have a lifetime to fall in love with yourself.
(Excerpt from my upcoming 2018 book)
